Monday, 9 February 2009

Backlog Blog the first

So, I've been writing a little recently. Problem is, I wrote... quite a lot. I've been doing the blog every week, but I haven't been uploading the backlog, I've just been saving them.
The upshot of this is that I have 3 months of material to post. I'd get a pot of coffee.
Contained here is a number of musings written around the new year's period as well as my London travel logs.
I have a plan. It is a grand and noble plan, one that cannot, in my eyes, fail.
I'm going to save the world.

This doesn't mean that I've turned my back on the idea of total, unquestioned world domination, but I'm not too happy with the state of the world as it stands. I don't want a world like this. We're in a little trouble, what with the economic crisis and I simply can't ignore that any longer.
And I'm trying to, but the TV just won't let me.
I didn't really believe in the recession at first. I'll admit, I shouldn't really talk about this since I'm from something of a... comparitively privileged background, I suppose. I've got a job supporting an agency that works pretty heavily with the government, I've got a degree, in all honesty I can't see being laid off. I'm not trying to sound like a pompous ass, but I really was planning on ducking my head under the sand until this thing blew over and I thought it was doable, too. Thing is, now that shops are going out of business, places I used to actually patronise, I really can't dodge it.
For some people, the first sign was money getting tight. For me, it was losing Woolies.

But the plan. Oh lord, the plan.

I was watching TV at home this afternoon. I do a lot of that, mostly on account of not having Sky back home, it's rather compelling. An advert came on. Ocean Finance now has its own TV channel.
This GENUINELY scares me. We're largely in this mess because of lending too much, as far as I can gather, so now that there's a channel dedicated to pumping out heartwarming stories about how loans changed a family's life...
They're always the same, too. The family is deep in debt, they take out this magic loan and then for some reason buy a new family car. Or an extension to their home. Somehow that original debt seems to get absorbed by the debt consolidation fairy.
So here's what I propose we do. All of us, and I do mean all of us, apply for a loan. Simultaneously.
Well, not ACTUALLY simultaneously. I don't want to inadvertently launch a DDOS attack against anybody.
The main virtue of these companies, we are told, is that they will lend to anyone regardless of their circumstances or their history. The people on the ads look to have some pretty colourful backgrounds, so I reckon we could pull this off. I consider most of my friends to be fairly trustworthy, credit-wise.
So yeah, we put all these applications in. This will have one of two effects:
- It'll shut the companies down for a while to give them time to see who the serious applicants actually are.
- The companies will honour many, many applications before they notice that something funny is going on. It'll make us all fabulously wealthy.
So suppose that second one happens. Then the loan companies need to find the money from somewhere. This'll either mean that WE have to lend them the money, or it'll completely destabilise the world economy, reducing us to rioting in the streets, anarchic reign of loosely assembled street gangs and general chaos.
And then I'll break out the robots or something. Y'know, try to stand out as a clear leader above the throng and reduce all opposition to a greasy vapour.
Alright, so it's not a perfect plan, but work with me, here. For the glory of BioCorp!

No comments: