Saturday, 28 February 2009


I don't really know where to go from here.
I've been lucky in a lot of ways. I've always known where I am and where I need to be next. Either the next year of school, college, university, getting a job, whatever, life has been a series of clear goals, nicely laid out.
But now I'm here, I've done everything I wanted to when I was a kid and I've just realised that, really, I've largely done everything I intended to by this point. I've got a car, the social life's sorted out, I lost a bunch of weight, got a job, have a bunch of little adventures planned, so... now what?
Is that it? Game over? But no, that's not right somehow. Life, to me, has what I always thought of as chapters. You're born, you spend most of the first few years learning to walk and talk and such. Then someone plunges you into school and you have to start interacting with strangers, all your life goals change and suddenly the old rules don't quite apply in the same way. It's funny how your entire life can suddenly change in 5 minutes, but still be so very familiar.

There are a lot of different opinions on the afterlife. Most seem to think it's a place where you go and just stop caring about things. I always personally wanted it to be like a holodeck, this big open area where you got whatever you wanted. But part of me hopes that when I die, I'll see the end credits. That my theme tune will play, I'll see the people responsible for making this little adventure, I'll see all the important people involved and then I'll maybe get my score. Someone will stand there at a podium and bring up a screen showing all the things I was meant to have completed, all the little bonus objectives, then I'll get a score or a grade or something. Maybe some xbox live achievements. Perhaps there'll be a new game+ option. Maybe I'll finally get to see the great celestial punchline, because I really do hope that someone, somewhere is finding this whole life business to be amusing.
As I sit here, for the first time with no idea what the future holds, I'm feeling more content than I ever have. Maybe I thrive on a vague sense of confusion. Maybe too many goals are a bad thing and we should just, occasionally, improvise our way through life. It's nice to sit back sometimes and not worry that you're not acheiving much, but you're not failing to acheive anything, either.
I will say one thing about life and goals, though. I've probably learned more (and most of it's had IMMENSE practical value) by going out of an evening than I have in university. It's funny how you can spend 4 years in an educational institution, spend your days researching and wind up being so very naive. But then, I suppose I'm just naturally easy going and gullible like that.
At least, that's what folk tell me.

Man, I'm turning into an old fart. Next blog, I'm just going to talk about booze, cartoons and girls. Lower the tone a bit, even out the average some.

Some day, I will build a time machine. It will be large and shiny and silver and look a little like a dodgem car. I will buy a shiny silver suit and I will visit the past. Approximately 7 months in the past from this date. I will find myself sitting and writing my first entry to this site and thinking "Hey, alliterative blog tags, there's a fun idea!".
I will punch myself over and over until I'm incapable of PRONOUNCING the word "tags". Although I suppose I was stronger back then, so I might just end up having my ass kicked by myself, which would be embarassing.

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